Charlie Brooker on top form again. →
It must be awful, being a homophobe. Having to spend all that time obsessing about what gay people might be doing with their genitals. Seeing it in your mind, over and over again, in high-definition close-up. Bravely you masturbate, to make the pictures go away, but to no avail. They’re seared onto your mental membranes. Every time you close your eyes, an imaginary gay man’s imaginary penis rises from the murk, bowing ominously in your direction, sensing your discomfort. Laughing. Mocking. Possibly even winking. How dare they, this man and his penis? How dare they do this to you?
Obviously you can’t fight the big gay penis in your head. It has no physical form, so you can’t get a grip on it, much as you’d like to. You’d love to grab it and throttle it until it splutters its last. That might bring you closure. But no. So you do the next best thing. You condemn homosexuals in the real world. Maybe if they could just stop all this “being gay” business for 10 minutes, you’d get some respite from that scary headcock. It might shrivel away completely, leaving nothing behind. Except maybe a nice bit of bum.
No, dammit! Forget I said that! No bum either!
*giggle*
Another brilliant submission to our New Year video contest. I want to marry these girls. Both of them. At the same time. Is that legal?
I’ll officiate!
We are both getting married to Chad, officiated by Ian, soooo. MY LIFE GOALS ARE COMPLETE. Also, we made this yesterday for their “This is the New Year” video project!! You guys should, too!
i’ve got two friendships on the line right now. we better win…
There are no words. NO WORDS.
Harry Potter Deleted Scene
- Deleted Scene
- GODRIC GRYFFINDOR: We will create a school to teach all the brave young wizards and witches.
- SALAZAR SLYTHERIN: And we must also teach those students who are cunning and sly.
- ROWENA RAVENCLAW: And we shall open our doors to those with a curious mind and appetite for creativity.
- HELGA HUFFLEPUFF: My tongue is blue because I was eating lollipops for dinner! Wanna see? I can almost do a cartwheel! Are you watching?!
- GODRIC: That's great, Helga. You don't need to shout. But would you like to help us form a wizarding school?
- HELGA: I like to hug. I'm really good at it. Hugs are like presents that always fit. Can I be the school's hug captain? I can teach hugging! I can also teach Laundry and How To Draw Bubble Letters.
- GODRIC: No. Hugging is not something we are concerned with.
- HELGA: Oh really? How long should a typical hug last, Mr. Know-It-All?
- GODRIC: Um…ten sec—
- HELGA: Wrong! A good hug lasts a lifetime because it lives in your heart for infinity years!!!
- SALAZAR: Maybe we only need three people to start a school.
- HELGA: Badgers are my favorite! I'm going to make lemon squares! Can we call the school Smile Town? If I close my eyes, am I invisible? Can I have turtle? I'm good at making bubble letters. Really good. The trick is to pretend the letters are clouds and to use purple.
- SALAZAR: By the way, if 68% of the students in my house turn out evil, it's totally not my fault. Cool? Cool.
